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Germany strokes away all its problems! – Life can be that simple! – Saxony-Anhalt’s political elite shows the wayWhat Minister President Reiner Haseloff demonstrated at the Bauhaus anniversary in Dessau was more than art. It was a glimpse into the future of German social policy: politicians with orange gloves stroking their own faces to cope with the “AfD shock.” 
An image full of symbolism. Because soon, self-stroking may well become the standard solution in all situations: Existential anxiety? Lost your job? Citizen’s allowance not enough? Stroke yourself! Citizen’s allowance too low? Self-massage at the welfare officeThe benefits have long been too low, the rents too high. But instead of more money, there will surely soon be a “self-stroking corner” at the Jobcenter. There you put on an orange glove, sit in front of the mirror, and gently stroke your own cheek. Soon, hunger will surely feel smaller and the cold warmer. Officials nod approvingly: “Very good, Mr. Meier, keep stroking, that builds resilience.”Unemployed? Self-cuddling in the waiting room The future of unemployment assistance may look like this: instead of job training, there’s a self-stroking seminar. Everyone sits side by side in the waiting room, synchronously pulls on these gloves, and strokes forehead, neck, or shoulder. “This is how we overcome the job crisis together,” explains the management. Work is simply replaced by gentle latex-glove self-eroticism. Poverty in old age? The “Pensioner Self-Comfort Dance”No more pension, but a new duty: with the next pension notice, the orange glove will be sent. Seniors put on the “pensioner glove” once a week and dance in a circle while stroking their own cheeks. Whoever doesn’t touch themselves is considered unsolidary. “Retirement planning begins with self-touch” will be the slogan.Inflation? Self-stroking at the supermarket checkoutWhen prices explode, the solution is simple: soon, a box of gloves will hang in front of the checkout. Every customer may briefly stroke their own face before paying to endure the pain of the receipt. That’s called “resilience promotion in everyday consumer life.”Political shocks? Stroke yourself free!When the AfD rises, CDU and SPD fall, and the country gets nervous – then it will soon be: “Everyone, please put on gloves simultaneously and perform self-stroking.” Democracy defense by face-cuddling. Haseloff has shown the way: don’t look anymore, hold the glove in front of your face, take a deep breath – problem solved.Germany, the great self-stroking republicThis is what the future looks like:No money? Stroke yourself. No job? Stroke yourself. No future? Stroke yourself. No trust in politics? Stroke yourself harder! The state no longer delivers solutions – it delivers gloves. And every citizen may then prove to themselves how comforted they feel in decline. The Bauhaus was once the cradle of modernism. Today it is the nursery of the self-stroking republic. You don’t believe this?You can read it at https://www.bild.de/leben-wissen/kultur/bauhaus-jubilaeum-haseloff-tanzt-geborgenheitstanz-68ba9ec64b4cea1e73bab8f9 and at https://www.tichyseinblick.de/meinungen/streicheln-gegen-die-afd/. Author: AI-Translation - АИИ | |
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