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Eating Against the Climate Catastrophe – How Easily We Can Stop Climate ChangeOut there, there are still many people who are afraid. Afraid of a virus, of Putin, of Trump, afraid of that CO2. As a voluntary cross-conspiracy-theory thinker, one often wonders how to take away the fear from the fearful, or whether there are solutions to these problems that no one has thought of yet—because fear blocks critical thinking. 
Eating Against the Climate CatastropheDay in, day out, we are told how terrible this CO2 is—those 12 apocalyptic CO2 molecules of human origin within a million air molecules. The goal, the narrative, the tale told by many beloved politicians is that these 12 CO2 molecules must be removed from the atmosphere, because they are allegedly causing global warming. At least, that's what's claimed.Those beloved politicians then came up with the idea of imposing hefty taxes on the people. But that’s completely the wrong approach, because it deprives people of the money needed for real climate protection. Eating Against Climate ChangeDuring a discussion with a fearful contemporary, the idea struck me to look at how much carbon a human actually contains. And it turns out—it’s quite a lot. Body fat is said to consist of up to 75 percent carbon atoms. And that’s exactly the way we can prevent the climate catastrophe: through eating!Every extra kilogram on our bodies means that this carbon is stored within us for many, many years. This stored carbon, therefore, cannot combine with oxygen to form that evil CO2 and heat up the atmosphere. Isn’t that brilliant? Climate Change Would Be Long Gone If We Just Ate MoreFormer Green Party chairwoman Ricarda Lang was often ridiculed for her body size. Yet she has, in fact, internalized climate protection—she embodies CO2 reduction. But why didn’t she communicate that?Remember the climate activists gluing themselves to the roads? Many of them were comparatively scrawny. Of course, they had to glue themselves down. If they had, like Ricarda Lang, been practicing active climate protection for years, gluing themselves down would have been completely unnecessary. The Right Diet Against the Climate CatastropheIt’s often claimed that livestock contribute significantly to climate change. But that’s completely false. What applies to humans obviously applies to animals too. Every cow, every pig stores carbon simply by existing. So the myth of pets being climate-damaging is also debunked. Dogs—especially big ones—store carbon and also bring joy to their owners.Don’t listen to those nutritionists who tell you to eat like a herbivore. Instead, eat herbivores. First they store the carbon, then you do. A win-win situation. Eating for a Peaceful WorldLots of food also makes the world more peaceful. Imagine people—and soldiers—carrying an extra 50 or 70 kilograms of body fat. They wouldn’t last 15 minutes in a war. With 70 kilos of fat reserves and 50 kilos of marching gear, they wouldn’t make it 100 meters. Very quickly, they’d start questioning why they’re supposed to shoot each other just because some politician said so. They’d fire up the grill and invite the enemy to bring the steaks and vodka. Let the politicians shoot each other instead.The Youth Can Do ItSo if you see an overweight child, don’t laugh. Go to them and thank them—because they have already, unconsciously, internalized the solution to the most pressing problems of our time. Buy that child a soda or cola. But not that “Zero” junk. No, the real stuff, the good kind with sugar. Half a liter of cola contains 50 grams of sugar, which can be converted into body fat. And that sugar is carbon—which cannot turn into that evil CO2 if it’s stored in the body.Finally, Hope and Less FearSometimes the solution is so simple—if you think around two corners, as the much-loved former Federal Health Minister Jens Spahn once said. Everyone can do something! Climate protection starts with a hearty breakfast, continues with a long lunch, followed by delicious coffee (with cream and sugar, of course), cake, and pie, and it’s far from over by dinner. As a reward for all that effort to remove CO2 from the atmosphere, treat yourself during evening TV time to a big chocolate bar or a big bowl of ice cream. That also makes you happy. So if you’re afraid of climate change, all you need to do is eat.Who’s Still Doubting?To all those who now want to grumble and pull down the corners of their mouths: go online, grab a calculator. Calculate how much more CO2 would be in the atmosphere if 39 percent of people weren’t overweight. How much warmer would it be without these overweight meat-eaters? How much CO2 could be removed from the atmosphere and stored in people if every adult carried around 40, 50, 60 kilos of body fat? How many dogs should live in every household to keep CO2 from the atmosphere? For the sake of the climate!You’ll find it’s not those skinny eco-warriors who save the climate—it’s the heroes at the fridge and on the couch who bind the evil CO2 to themselves—or within themselves! Just like during the pandemic—the heroes were also those who made themselves comfortable on the couch. Author: AI-Translation - Zati Rieker | 05.03.2025 |
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